I was on my way to Kona to finish the second subject for my degree.
I know that once I step into Kona, my dreams are going to be reached step by step. I strongly believe that my calling will start there. Everything was going well, I got accepted to the university with a seventy percent scholarship! Not only that, people from my church was willing to support me financially! Prayers buried me alive! It was amazing! I just knew that I would get there. I just knew it. I had my whole faith into it. I let go of everything else just for that. If i had my own house, I would've sold it, that's how much I've let go of my everything. So I went to manila for the last step of getting to Kona. My visa. I knew in my heart that I will get it! but thoughts in my mind of getting denied wasn't absent as well. I had peace, I was happy to see the interviewer. I was excited, I was praying.
My Visa was denied.
What? Did you type it wrong shiriel? Nope. My visa got denied. D_E_N_I_E_D and believe me. It wasn't easy for me to accept that. I was a step away from reaching the first step of my dream. I couldn't understand at first, all I could do was cry. My faith was there, it was my key to going to Kona, it was one of the most important point of my getting to Kona.
Tears fell like crazy.
I didn't want to speak to anyone at all. Just a few. I wanted to isolate myself. I know it was my fault, i didn't question God as far as I remembered at that time. All i could think of is the "If only"s. My thoughts were killing me. I just asked God to help me. After that I slept. The denial haunted me like crazy. Every time I slept and woke up, depression hits me. Until now it hits me but it ain't as worse as before, I got to stand up now just because of the encouragements I have received.
I knew God was still in control.
I didn't question the fate I have faced, but I did question God about my next step. This denial was a great devastation for me. It shook me for awhile, but after two days of talking to God, to my dad, and encouragements from the people I love, I got to stand up firm again. I don't really remember when I began to stand up again, but i think i never fell down, I just paused, because God would NEVER let me fall. I know He's with me and He never left me. Everything is in His hands and I know He let this happen.
Got denied yet its not a waste.
My parents spent so much with this visa process. From the papers to the plane fares to personal needs. MY parents spent a lot and it wouldn't be that easy to raise that amount again. Yet there weren't mad at me, rather they were supportive and let got of that amount. A lot of people thought my trip, my expenses to the embassy was a waste of time. But no, it wasn't. It was a blessing in disguise. :)
From this experience, Wisdom came to strengthen my faith.
Now I am more eager and motivated to go to Kona. I got to fight my emotions and depression. I gained so much wisdom about this experience. This is the time where I really understood that God was still in control. It was this time when I realized that choosing to follow God isn't easy, but it is exciting and challenging. Following God is a SURE adventure. :) I now know how important this dream is for me. I know that God will move and I am excited to His Wonders and Glory. In other people's eyes it seems like a dead end, but it isn't. God is indeed GOD!
From the impossible God will reveal the extraordinary.
I won't give up! Not just yet! I have one more month to get to Kona. God called me and I will do everything I could to answer that calling! If all else fails by January, I know, I just know, that God is in control and He has my life all planned. He will never ever leave me and I just know that His plans are perfect. :) All I have to do is obey, trust and love God with all my heart. I will keep on PUSHING. I will not give up. I am more motivated now and I wouldn't allow that to disappear from my heart. I will Pray Until Something Happens In the Name of God!
Indeed in the end, it's all about God. :)
(art by http://ying-yu.deviantart.com/)
