Shattered Dreams

I was there, just a step away from my dream and capish! My dreams were scattered into pieces.

Have you ever been in my situation? You know you where about to reach your dream! You were THIS close and yet it all went down. Getting fired from your job when you expected a promotion, getting disqualified for the art entry you passed just because the dimensions were wrong, or going to your art dream school outside the country as a scholar, but your visa was denied. Yeah i can relate, mine was the last one. I was THIS close to going to my art dream school, but my visa hindered me so.

I could blame everyone, i could blame that man who interviewed me, blame my country for being a 3rd world country, blame my mentors for not advising me about my visa, blame the authorities for crushing a youth's dream, blame myself for being not good enough, or i can even blame God for not being with me.

Thing is… what can blaming or complaining do? what? WHAT?

And also… God WAS with me… Now the bigger question is, why did He let my dream be shattered? It's been nine months and I am still recovering, trying to stand up but i can't seem to, coz maybe, just maybe, I'm missing the point.

I've been trying to stand up… That's the problem. I've been doing it alone. Being crushed, do you think i could really stand up alone? No way! NO WAY!… I could never do it alone. Think about it, you trip and hurt your leg so badly, you think you could stand up alone? NO. You need someone to support you… You need that 'push' wether be it a helping hand or an inspirational word. I just can't do it alone…

Until now i don't understand why God let this happen… But one thing is for sure if this is not from Him - He is bigger than my circumstances, He is bigger than my dreams and when He closes a door, He opens a gate. I will continue to trust in Him. BUT if this is FROM Him… Then i really better think twice and look deeper. He wouldn't let something like this happen if it wasn't for my own good…

Wait…

I think that's the point. The reason why i couldn't stand up again is that, I feel like God hates me for my imperfection… When the truth is, He loves me so much to the point that He wouldn't let me reach my dream unprepared. I mean who would let a warrior go out in the field without his shield and sword?

It takes time to polish a beautiful diamond. I guess my dream is as precious to God as it is for me, all i have to do now is trust in Him… All this time, when i thought He left me, when i thought that He didn't care, when i thought i wasn't good enough… He was actually trusting me. He knows that i could get thru this even if i don't. He knows that i will stand up even when i have given up. He knows me more than i know myself. I don't deserve this, but He gave it to me.

All i could do right now is thank Him.

Why blame everyone and complain about everything? When it's much more fulfilling and heartwarming to thank God despite everything? :) Trust His Heart… He knows what He's doing. :) And maybe... just maybe... He has a different, bigger dream for me. : )

(Art By www.orangebutt.deviantart.com)