Growing up

It's tough. It's impossible. It's a decision. It's a choice. It's growing up. It's called maturity.

I've been a childish person ever since forever. I loved being praised of how i look, I loved being called 'cute', I loved being teased of my small voice, I loved being treated food, I loved being smiled at by adults, I loved being patted on the head, I loved having my hair messed up, I loved being care-free, I loved every single thing of being a Kid... I loved it... Yet I asked myself, will I be like this forever? will I be a kid forever? I wonder... when am I going to ever grow up?...

It's a dilemma, It's an identity crisis..

I love the way I am, I love how people treat me, but then lately I felt that there's is something wrong. I felt like, I should be doing something right now that i can't seem to picture out. I'm turning eighteen next year... is it okay to stay like this even if I turn eighteen? The answer is... no, i cannot. I am an irresponsible person, I am lazy, I can't act what i always say, I can't make decisions for myself, I fantasize a lot, & I am selfish on my own little ways... People may say this is right about me, some may say not. All i can say is that, this is the other side of me... I want to become a better person, someone that my parents can call "A real woman". Someone who can go on by herself without burdening much people, someone who can actually do household chores and cook for the family, someone who can make her mother proud, someone who can stand on the ground by herself.

But then, I want to stay as a Kid at the same time i want to be a Woman...

I told this to some of my friends, and some of them said that it's okay to be childish even if your twenty or even older, It's okay to be childish.. I mean hey, they're right, i mean this is my personality, why should i change?... yeah.. that's the question... why must i change?...Why should i turn into a woman & turn away from being a girl?...

Why?.... Why?....

Is it because... by choosing to be a woman, i can finally walk into my purpose in life? I can finally be an instrument for God's calling? I can be a real Christian?... ... I believe, this is the reason... Growing up simply means, offering my life to Christ & make Him use my life the way He planned it to be... It's time to open my ears to His commands, open my eyes to the path He creates, open my arms to the work He has bestowed upon me, open my heart to the people who needs to know Him, & open my mind into growing up, to become a woman.. Shiriel is my name & I'll grow into a woman soon, I made this choice, i did not just based this on my feelings..:)

(Art by Tony Taka)