Little Miracles

A happy bright day.

The day came out perfect. I was happy, joyful. I had fun at work, had fun with my friends. It seemed like a perfect day, nothing could ever go wrong at all; well that's what i thought until the sun came down and evening greeted me with a dark cloud.

My eyes turned from white to red. Tears ran down my cheeks like crazy. I couldn't control the tears, the biting of my lips, the pain... Someone stole my cellphone. The cell that i just got a week ago. The cell that was the newest one of my moms', into which she gave me with no interest at all, zero percent, nada, it was her gift to me. The cell where my sim, since i was in high school, was in. The cell were I could contact my friends in no other way. The cell were i had my number which I've memorized over all these years... The cell which had the accessory I dreamt of giving my future one.

It wasn't just the ordinary cellphone. It was shiriel's cellphone.

Some people told me to just get a new one, get a new number, get a new phone, email all my friends. But they don't understand. It's just not that easy. That cell was given to me by my mom. Imagine, it's the newest cellphone of my mom and she gave it just for me! Then next thing she knows, it got stolen. That number was my identity in a certain degree. It was mine. My name is embedded all over that number. I just can't move on, but i know i could with God.

I was hurt, i could've blamed God, but rather i did something else.

The first thing i had in mind was God. I talked to Him, told Him to help me. Told Him how important that cell was to me. I cried and cried until i got in my room and brawled to God how much it hurts. I know it's just an object, but the thought behind that cell, the memory behind that cell, is the thing that makes it important and irreplaceable. I cried in great tears, i cried even harder when i felt God's presence in my room. He was there, He knew how i felt, He stayed with me. I cried and cried until i got tired.

I was blank. I didn't know what to do next. I didn't felt like sleeping.

It was almost morning and I didn't want to sleep. I talked to God... a thought came into my mind saying "Why didn't your God give your cell back? blame it all to Him, it was His fault, He let your cell get lost." but rather than listen to that voice... i praised God. I praised God even if it hurts so much. Why? because i just know He has a purpose. In every shortcoming i do, He replaces them with blessings into which i call little miracles. I was hurt but excited at the same time. I know God is always in control and it's only Him who could change my tears in great joy.

I sang and sang, even if the painful tears fell on my cheeks once again.

I felt Him. Its as if He wiped my tears, coz all of a sudden i smiled. I was happy and in pain. I smiled and thanked God for the future i couldn't see. Then i thought about why my cell got lost. I thought maybe its because I'm giving it more importance that God. That maybe its what i look for first early in the morning rather than Him. I didn't want that neither. I don't want anything that comes in between me and God. If i had to choose between my cell, my friends and God? Heh, it's too obvious to even try and weight it down. Or maybe i thought, that God would want to give me a better cell, a new number for a symbol of a new start; or maybe, God wanted me to think, to depend on Him.

This circumstance, this loss, made me think a lot.

The next morning i still couldn't believe i lost my cell. I knew that i was still depressed because i felt like wasting all my money. Good thing God helped me control it! I focused on my work, I was happy that day, at the same time sad deep within. Whenever i remember my cell, I pray to God and say "God is in control". I kept praying asking God to return my cell. I know how impossible it can be, but i just had my faith on that prayer, so i never stopped praying. (Now that I said this... I DO know how to pray in faith! haha i thought i didn't). I was happy that day, I was at peace. I was in God's hands.

Then suddenly a message on my other cell came in. It's my dad.

I had to read his message twice before it sank in. The person who got my cell, communicated back through my dad's cell. Saying he'll return my cell. I was in awe. I was surprised. If i could jump for joy at that moment i would, but i was in front of my boss. I couldn't believe it. The impossible became possible. I thanked God like crazy!!!!! haha. I was over joyed! I felt like i was in a dream! GOD IS IN CONTROL! i couldn't contain my joy! i sang, i worked harder with my work and couldn't wait till night came and get my cell back with my dad.

God is in control.

SO many things happened. I realized so many things. Yesterday my cellphone got stolen, Today I got it back. Amazing. Simply amazing. Now my cellphone is on my hands again. I contacted my friends and they were happy and surprised as well. God is amazing. He's just amazing. No prayer (IN FAITH) is never in vain.

I am so amazed. His grace, His love, His ways.

The time that my cellphone got lost, i realized a lot of things. One is, maybe God was testing me, and He knew i would pass. I realized just now how important God really is in my life, how i've matured and grown all these years.I realized that I have been depending on Him. It's such a lie that i thought my spiritual life is down. No it's not. It's actually getting stronger. The time my cell got lost, i realized that it's only God that matters, that God is my best friend, that God is with me, that God is alive in my life, that God is in control. Two, that in every darkness, problem, crisis in my life, i can praise God. If i could praise God in the smallest problems of life, what more in the bigger things of life?:) Everything starts from the smallest things. I've proven in myself that praising God in times of pain, suffering and every dark part of my life, changes a lot in me. Praising God at those times makes me realized so many things, makes me feel His soft touch and great and awesome love. It's really true that God is near to the broken-hearted.

God. I couldn't express myself more.

I could just go on and on and on about His love. I am just so amazed. He tested me, and i became stronger. I felt Him more than ever. God's ways are just soo amazing. This happening will be a part of my testimony. How God works in the most unexpected ways. From tears to great joy. From doubt to great faith! From pity to great confidence in Him. He's just so amazing. It's as if he poured alcohol on a big wound of mine. It hurts like crazy but heals fast with no scars.

The little miracles of life, are indeed the greatest of them all. The little miracles of life, that tells us that there is still hope for this world. The little miracles of life that tells us that God is in control. The little miracles of life that tells us to live. The little miracles of life that shows God's great love in this itty bitty world. The little miracles of life that inspires us. The little miracles of life that makes our hearts go lalala and makes our smiles reach our ears. God. grah. He's just so cool. x)

"He gives and takes away, still my heart will choose to say, blessed be the name of the Lord."

Yeah i got my cellphone back, but what i learned from this situation, this happening, this circumstance is far more priceless and far more memorable and irreplaceable. :)

God is always in control ^_^

(Art By www.crystaldragon.deviantart.com)

More Than This

I want something, something more than this.

That's what I have been murmuring lately. It's as if I want to see the world, i want to travel, i want to get out of my comfort zone, i want God to reign in me. I want to reach the world i see at my window. I want to be free, I want to explore, I want to discover who God is in His Creation...

I just want something more than this. I may sound like an ungrateful little brat asking her parents for more than what she has... but then i want to be honest with God... This is what i feel. I want to fly, i want to soar to the world. I just know God is way beyond what i can think of Him. I can't consume Him in a box. I know God is everywhere, God is in every country, every place, every era. I want to see those places, those museums, those natural parks. I want to reach and see God in a different level. I don't want to consume Him inside my home and my church. I want something more. More than i could ever imagine...

It's as if the kid inside of me wants to come out.

I feel like a little kid, excited to learn and see more new things. Excited and enthusiastic about what her teacher would show her. Like a little kid that tugs the father's shirt asking for more ice cream, if possible, all the flavors of the shop.

There's a kid inside of me who wants to dance, who wants to touch things that have never been touched, to uncover secrets only few knows about... A kid inside of m, who just longs to be with His father in Heaven...

I thought what i wanted was a man to bring me to different parts of the world.

But i was wrong, i wanted God, i wanted to be with myself or tag a friend along; but not a man. I want to explore the world, to taste different kinds of food to see the glory of God in every aspect in every perspective. To travel to show the love of God, to help, to minister, to be a light, to have time with God... :)

I just know there's something more, more than this.

We went to pearl farm today and wow, it's one of the most beautiful place I've ever been to. What i wouldn't forget even more is... I was watching an episode of "boys over flowers" it was the time when the guy brought the girl and her best friend to an island where the rest houses where above the seawater, it was like floating. Then I said "I want to go there, i wonder how it feels to be there..."

And pearl farm was so similar to the place that i saw in that korean series. I was speechless, i wanted to write something but i couldn't. The place was just too beautiful. It's as if the place i watched on TV suddenly came true!... God is amazing. I watched that korean series on the same week we went to pearl farm.

I'm getting a hold of this something new.

God is so good. His voice is getting stronger and clearer. I won't forget this instances where I'd murmur a wish in my mind or a prayer, then God would answer it in a very short period of time! Like i was once waiting for my friends and a friend of mine said there are silver taxis around town already. I said i never saw one, then i uttered a simple prayer asking God to show me one that morning (there were only a few taxis at that time) and in a couple of minutes a silver taxi passed by us! not only once but twice!

God does care about the details of my life.

He does care, He even hears my silent prayers, my vague wishes... He's answering them, His love is just so amazing. He has done so many amazing things.. This entry hasn't ended. I just have to sleep now; still... pearl farm, the korean series... Wow... God is so amazing... I feel so refreshed, I see my surroundings in a new perspective... Everything is just sooo... heavenly..:)

(Art By www.malta.deviantart.com)

Let it Go

Letting go, for now...

I have been writing letters and buying stuff for my future prince. I mean hey it's okay, but then i think I am too focused on my future prince. Once in awhile it's okay to remember him, but then everyday? I think that's a huge waste of time.

Why waste time, time is a gift.

I want to meet my prince so badly; but it was revealed to me that i won't get married until i turn 27. If for all those years I would focus on my future prince, i guess i won't be such a mystery for him anymore once we meet. I might show him who I am completely on our first meet and that's not as exciting as i know it can be.

Never spoil a surprise

I don't want people to easily picture me out; especially my future prince. So today, on June 13 2009 I will stop. I will stop dreaming about my future prince, for it is distracting me in a whole lot of way. It's as if I'm in a relationship now, my focus is so  divided. I want my focus on Christ alone. Christ is not my prince but my King, i better stick that in my brain.

God is my King, my prince is another thing

I want to feel God's amazing love completely and i believe letting go of my prince now is a wise choice.

My dear Prince, good bye for now, I will see you and talk to you once we meet. Let our love story be written by God and not by me. I want to seek God deeply and I need you to disappear for that. 

You are not needed for now

So from now on, I will place you in God's hands. I don't need a man in my life right now. Not now that God would work through me powerfully...:)

PS

Guardian Angel? Please drive away men from my life who is not my prince. Thanks :D

No man can turn this heart away from God.

                              Words have power. What more if it's a declaration? <3

(Art by http://cloudywolf95.deviantart.com)

It's Time.

I'm tired, I had enough, I'm making this choice.

Everybody treating me like a kid, seeing me as the little sister of all, the cute little girl, the anime lover who acts like a kid, the nineteen year old who's usually mistaken as the fourteen or sixteen year old, the girl who is too fragile to face the truth.

Don't get me wrong, I like how people treat me and how they see me, what i don't like is the last part.

"...the girl who is too fragile to face the truth."

I've been mean, I've been a brat, I've been spoiled, I've been irresponsible; yet no one dared tell me that something is wrong with me. I asked people, forced people to tell me what's wrong with me, yet no one dared tell me that I am wrong. I'm changing, not into a better person, but an irresponsible prideful kid. I know what's wrong with me but unless i hear it from someone else it won't take effect on me. I need the truth. I need someone to tell me I am wrong. I need it, I need to hear it from somebody else. To my great joy, someone did. Someone had the courage to tell me, someone cared enough for me to let me know the truth.

"...you became free but you lost the responsibility."

That's the exact words of my friend; a very dear friend to me. The moment i read that, my eyes really opened and great joy filled my heart. Someone finally took the courage to tell me the truth. It's music to my ears and comfort to my soul. It didn't pierce that deep, for I was ready to take it in, my shield was on. Now I have to fix this shallow wound of mine. I have to think. I have to think hard and deep. Who am I really? Am I just a kid? Am i really fragile? Who, What am I?

It's time to make a stand and show them who I am.

I am not fragile. I love hearing the truth, negative or positive, i take it in as gifts. Negative ones are greatly appreciated for it shows me that I am still human, i make mistakes, I am not perfect, I am growing up, I'm maturing. Though I don't take in negative ones from random people whom I am not that close with. I am not fragile and I am not stupid as well. It's time to make choices, wise choices. Life isn't all about "This is what I like, No it's MY schedule, it's ME, it's MINE, it's I...." It's time for me to forget about myself. I think I had enough of myself. I'm tired, I'm getting bored of just wanting what is best for me. I've had enough. 

I need to discipline myself.

Not everyone would be patient enough to understand me nor to adjust to my miscommunications, faults, or schedule. It's time to let my "Yes be Yes and my No be NO." I must stand up for God. It's time to be responsible. It's time to let Jesus take over. It's not me. It's Him. I've had enough of my selfishness. I need God, I need His Word, I need the truth. 

I do believe it's time to stop acting like a child and begin acting like a woman. I'm ready. I want to take the next step. I want to be a woman for God. I want to buy my own food, my own stuff. It's time to stop depending on others. It's time to work for what i want, for what others want. It's time to give it all It's time to share God's treasures to other people. It's time to take the lead. It's time to say YES to independency and NO to dependency. 

Grow up, but keep the child-like faith.

I want to act like a woman and act like myself when I am with the people i know. It's time to shine not for my own fame but for God's fame. It's time to be the example rather than the mistake. It's time to be wise rather than be whatever-comes. It's time to be a woman, to be respected for whom God made me to be. It's time to let the child-like faith reign all over me and let the childishness diminish. I want to be used to my highest potential, but i cannot do that without letting go of my childish ways. The time is NOW.

A leader is a leader, not because he has the skills or is he strong, but because he lowered himself down to rise the weak.

It's time to take responsibility. Sometimes its better to be kind rather than to be right. Integrity is not gained overnight but rather created one step at a time. Life isn't all about survival, it's about loving others and living for the people you love the most. Passion is the key to unlock dreams, but wisdom is needed to open the right door. Creativity is better than knowledge but creativity without wisdom is nothing but knowledge. Love isn't just a butterfly, it's also a caterpillar that takes time to work on the beauty it has deep inside. Music is food for the soul, but it is also the language that could be understood by everyone, even the uneducated. The tongue is a small thing but what enormous damage it can do. We have two ears and one mouth, Listen before you speak. A flower blooms in great beauty during the day, but what great beauty it could show when it rains; Sometimes the greatest experiences in life, happens when troubles come our way. 

We have two hands to work hand in hand, let it be the same with marriage.

Speaking of marriage; I am not ready to be in a relationship. I am not ready to care for someone deeply. I am not worthy enough. I want to be the best woman i could be for my future prince. I want to be the one who would complete him, nit the one who would ruin him. I need to learn how to trust first, i need to learn to take responsibility first. I want to be the best supporter for my future prince, not the perfect nagger. I want to be a queen to my king; I want to serve my future one with no complaints. I want to be a woman after God's own heart, that i may know how to serve my husband the way i was created in the first place...:)

                                                                                                                 

(Picture by http://r3novatio.deviantart.com )

Alien Hunky Jellies

I don't know what to write. Seriously.

It all started with the:

What's that Jelly thing? that looks so yummieh, flubby and strawberry-ish?

It was tempting. It was sooo flubby and wiggly.

I just had to taste it.

And i did.

It went straight to my throat. a "HUNK" of jelly went there.

Turned my hyperness on.

Loud laughers and weird stares i saw.

Uh oh. Not good.

Shut my mouth up.

It was not the normal jelly i have.

This one is stingy and fire-y.

I was so hyper that i slapped my friend's face with a ballon,

like a lot of times.

I felt like laughing. but had to stop. Too loud.

Good thing it was just a hunk of jelly.

Or else i'd go goodnight,

in the middle of the street.

Haha it was a memorable experience,

that i surely wouldn't do so often.

It's alien hunky jellies,

that can drive me crazy.

Little is okay, three or more is goodbye.

What the heck am i saying,

i should really go bye bye.

Do not take alien hunky jellies,

it'll give you itchy spots and reddish faces,

or bring forth corny jokes,

that makes you laugh out loud.

It'll shake your sight for awhile,

then give out a loud laugh.

be careful or else,

too much itchiness might come.

I'll end now, or i'll never end.

Random entry i know,

Don't even ask why.

<3

Growing up

It's tough. It's impossible. It's a decision. It's a choice. It's growing up. It's called maturity.

I've been a childish person ever since forever. I loved being praised of how i look, I loved being called 'cute', I loved being teased of my small voice, I loved being treated food, I loved being smiled at by adults, I loved being patted on the head, I loved having my hair messed up, I loved being care-free, I loved every single thing of being a Kid... I loved it... Yet I asked myself, will I be like this forever? will I be a kid forever? I wonder... when am I going to ever grow up?...

It's a dilemma, It's an identity crisis..

I love the way I am, I love how people treat me, but then lately I felt that there's is something wrong. I felt like, I should be doing something right now that i can't seem to picture out. I'm turning eighteen next year... is it okay to stay like this even if I turn eighteen? The answer is... no, i cannot. I am an irresponsible person, I am lazy, I can't act what i always say, I can't make decisions for myself, I fantasize a lot, & I am selfish on my own little ways... People may say this is right about me, some may say not. All i can say is that, this is the other side of me... I want to become a better person, someone that my parents can call "A real woman". Someone who can go on by herself without burdening much people, someone who can actually do household chores and cook for the family, someone who can make her mother proud, someone who can stand on the ground by herself.

But then, I want to stay as a Kid at the same time i want to be a Woman...

I told this to some of my friends, and some of them said that it's okay to be childish even if your twenty or even older, It's okay to be childish.. I mean hey, they're right, i mean this is my personality, why should i change?... yeah.. that's the question... why must i change?...Why should i turn into a woman & turn away from being a girl?...

Why?.... Why?....

Is it because... by choosing to be a woman, i can finally walk into my purpose in life? I can finally be an instrument for God's calling? I can be a real Christian?... ... I believe, this is the reason... Growing up simply means, offering my life to Christ & make Him use my life the way He planned it to be... It's time to open my ears to His commands, open my eyes to the path He creates, open my arms to the work He has bestowed upon me, open my heart to the people who needs to know Him, & open my mind into growing up, to become a woman.. Shiriel is my name & I'll grow into a woman soon, I made this choice, i did not just based this on my feelings..:)

(Art by Tony Taka)

Love?...

"I wish you loved me"

"I wish somebody loved me..."

I don't really know what to feel right now... It's like I'm forcing to love someone, even if i do know that i don't love anyone in particular right now...
I guess this is just normal when every close friend you have is actually having 'that someone'...

I don't want anyone in particular right now... but somehow I'm looking for 'that someone'...I know that i won't find him no matter how hard i try, coz i know it isn't my time to have one yet...But somehow i just can't control this longing i have... and because of this, I'm being selfish...Selfish in a way that i am pretending to love someone by expressing this so called 'love'...Selfish in a way that 'that someone' might actually accept my love...my fake love...

I don't want that...

Good thing that the person whom i pretended to love wasn't attracted to me in any way.I feel horrible doing such thing... now i can really see that a woman's greatest betrayer is her heart..I don't want to pretend for the sake of filling up this longingness, triggered by jealousy of not having 'that someone'...It's time to grow up, time to control my feelings and not let it control me...It's time to see the word 'love' in a different perspective, a perspective into which i can respect it...

Love isn't all about fun and games...

I know what i did wasn't right, i know what i decided to do wasn't right...But dwelling on what i did wrong in the past, won't change what's a head of me...I must accept that what i did was wrong, and aim to do what's right next..Love isn't something that i should play with, it is something into which i should be serious & careful of..Love has a huge responsibility attached to it, & unless i can't carry that, i cannot love..

It's time to grow up...

It isn't my time, and i must accept that... Love doesn't only exist between lovers, they also exist within friends...The love that i have now is existing within my circle of friends, and that is where i have to focus on..I must let go of my selfish desires... i don't really need 'that someone' right now...Coz i already have God in me... this longingness I've been feeling is just a selfish thing...

God is in me, He stays with me, He gives me joy & fulfillment...what more could i simply ask? :)

"Someone did and is still loving me..."

I won't have & won't look for my special someone right now... coz i decided to grow up and wait...:)